#*with early Holly J. he deserved to know the truth

[zayadriancas]

“Grilled Brie hoagies, who are you feeding tonight, The Pope?”

“I’m surprising Jane at her baby sitting gig. We can work on our proposals and girl out.”

[darkarfs]

the worst movie tie-ins in the history of wrestling

Wrestling is stupid, and will show its ass at the mere mention of cross-promotion, especially when it comes to movies, which is it's cooler older brother that can get away with a lot more. Hell, the 2nd ever SummerSlam's main event, in 1989, was Hulk Hogan facing the main villain, Tiny Lister as Zeus (RIP), from the film they were both in, No Holds Barred. So wrestling's always wanted a piece of that. So... - Army of the Dead Let's just get this one out of the way. Here's the thing; I thought the WrestleMania Backlash's card was fucking perfect...except for this weird business. WMB MIGHT've been the best show of the pandemic (hot take) were it not for making sure we sell Big Dave's big zombie heist movie. If they had just kept some of the guys in zombie makeup on the Thunderdome's webcam footage, that would have been borderline charming. But instead, the Miz (who was WWE champion 3 months ago, don't forget) and Damien Priest (who they're making WWE's pop-culture liaison so far on the main roster, for some reason) had to sell for zombies in a lumberjack match. If this was the first ever wrestling show you watched with a loved one who had never watched wrestling or hadn't since like, the end of the Attitude Era, would you for a second want them to stick around after Miz and Morrison get, for all intents and purposes, kayfabe killed and eaten, and then watch Damien Priest shoot the logo at the ceiling? My money's on "no." - Shaft Speaking of the Attitude Era, anytime someone tells you that wrestling was cooler in that 3-year time frame, point them to the June 15th of 2000 episode of SmackDown, where a storyline that ran throughout the show followed Patterson and Briscoe through New York City to find Crash Holly and his Hardcore Title. Now, I admit parts of this are kinda funny, like Briscoe just wanting to give up and find a "gen-yoo-WINE New York hot dawg!" That's fun! And who does Crash Holly run into but none other than Shaft, and his woman, the only one who understands this complicated man, John Shaft. So, we have real Samuel L. Jackson, playing fake John Shaft, talking to real/fictional Crash Holly, and man is it weird. Anyway, Shaft agrees to be Crash's bodyguard for the night, and he slaps around Patterson and Briscoe in a nightclub. After all, what better way to get across how cool and badass a character is than having him knock around the fucking Stooges? - The Wrestler Well, this is complicated. The Wrestler, starring ancient wooden lion Mickey Rourke, is a somber tale about an industry that, in its heyday, left people physically spent, washed-up and addicted to adrenaline at best, and dead at worst. It famously moved Roddy Piper to tears because he recognized what destruction and brokenness the industry once left in its wake. Which is why it's super-weird that WWE jumped at the chance to promote maybe the bleakest possible look at their world in 2009, and did so by having Chris Jericho smack the shit out of three old wrestlers at WrestleMania 25, including Roddy Piper. And then have Rourke jump into the ring, wearing his "do you want to take peyote in the desert?" starter kit and bring out his amateur boxing chops. Tonally, it's just really bleak. Like if the creator of Super Size Me screened the premiere at the world's biggest McDonald's. - Bride of Chucky Poor Rick Steiner. You didn't deserve this. You're the sane Steiner. They shouldn't have made you talk to the puppet. So, WCW was heading into Halloween Havoc 1998, and after years of stomping all over the WWF in the ratings, the wheels had come off, and dramatically. Like, all at once. Like the car in the Blues Brothers. To boost PPV buys, they spent a fortune bringing in the Ultimate Warrior to rekindle a feud with Hulk Hogan, mostly by hiding in his fucking mirror. And the Steiner Brothers, one of the best teams of the early 90s, had been feuding with one another since Scott turned on his at SuperBrawl. What was the best way to build hype around this match at Halloween Havoc? Why, to have Rick get into a war of words - and lose - to Chucky. Yes.

Serial killer doll voiced by Brad Dourif, and it's so sad. Chucky cusses Rick out while Rick challenges the fucking doll to a fight, which is promptly ignored (Chucky's video segment is pre-recorded, and you can tell because he starts talking about 3 times in 3 minutes while Rick's mid-promo and missing his cues to stop) and then is made fun of. And all the while, people were probably wondering "what's going on on Vince's show?" and the answer is...that was the episode of Raw where Austin fills Vince's Corvette with cement, which is slightly more badass than being teased by a puppet. - The Goods Here's the thing: Raw is, right now, a bad show. It is bad TV. It's been bad for a while now. And as bad as it is right now, it's still not as fuck-awful as it was in 2009, aka the Age of the Guest Hosts (which, in kayfabe, was given to us by Donald J. Trump, so blame that ambulatory Nazi scrotum for one more thing, he's certainly earned it). For those of you fortunate enough to not be watching what was objectively unwatchable at the time - and hell, I sure as shit wasn't checking in very often - from mid-2009 to around mid-2010, a celebrity would be the special guest host of Monday Night Raw, often to promote a TV show or movie, and it was nearly all horribly-written, cheesy wank. Imagine if every week was the week of the zombie attack at Backlash. That's what it was like. Bob Barker was funny. The Muppets were good. And THAT'S the end of the list. MacGruber coming out to blow up R-Truth made me want to fall on a knife. The A-Team coming out to beat up Virgil was fucking awful. Go straight to fucking HELL, the Three Stooges, Dennis Miller, the reverend Al Sharpton, the 2010 Pittsburgh Steelers, Don Johnson and Jon Heder, the poor entire cast of Hot Tub Time Machine...and then there's Piven. Jeremy Piven. He showed up with Ken Jeong to promote a movie no one remembers...called the Goods. He stunk up several segments, infamously called SummerSlam "the Summer Fest" and then got roughed up by John Cena. Wrestling's the worst. Stop watching. And many did. For a looooooong time. - Robocop 2 This one's infamous, so I'll keep it brief. Robocop 2 came out in 1990, and goddamn, I don't know how much money the producers threw at WCW, but it was enough for them to rebrand an entire PPV "Capitol Combat: the Return of Robocop" and marketed the entire thing around the fancy metallic gentleman. The branding really made it seem like Robert Cop was old friends with the promotion, and indeed, old friends with Sting. Makes sense; two big, heroic idiots running on BASIC. He had been feuding with the Four Horsemen, who locked him in a cage at ringside. Out comes Robocop, called completely straight by Jim Ross, who rips the cage door off his hinges, and then leaves. An accumulated 85 seconds of screen time. Totally worth being the centerpiece of this PPV! But a little context as to why WCW fans hated it so much: 1989, the year before, was regarded by WCW fans as one of the best in company history. The era that gave us stuff like Chi-Town Rumble and the still-very-much-lauded peak of the Steamboat/Flair feud. To go from that to Robocop was seen as a bit of a slap in the face, because WCW was always seen as the more traditional "wrasslin'" company and was never into cheesy pop-culture crossovers, which is why the last one...is all the funnier.

- Ready To Rumble First of all, those dumbasses at Turner had to give Michael Buffer - who they still had on retainer - around $350,000 just to use that title, because he owns the trademark to that phrase. Strike 127 million, capitalism, that a guy gets to own a phrase and gets paid an obscene amount when he or anyone else uses it. Secondly, I initially wasn't going to do movies where the promotion itself is producing the movie, or oh holy HELL would See No Evil and the infamous May 19 shit be on here. But unlike See No Evil, this had a hand in killing a decades-old wrestling promotion, so it feels weird to not include it. On April 7th, 2000, bad movie Ready To Rumble was released, a film about two hapless dorks trying to help Oilver Platt, aka the lawyer from the West Wing, become WCW World Heavyweight Champion. Two weeks later, to promote the movie, they made David Arquette, the lead actor in the movie, the WCW World Heavyweight Champion. He pinned Eric Bischoff, who wasn't the champion, of course, in a match where he was teamed with Diamond Dallas Page, his best pal and the company's top babyface at the time, but who is also one of the villains in the film to make it extra confusing for the mainstream casual audience the movie was made to attract. And, to be fair, Arquette didn't want to do it, NO ONE really wanted to do it, and it tanked viewership for WCW once and for all. At the very least, David took his payday from the wrestling appearances and the film and gave it to the families of Owen Hart, Brian Pillman and to Darren Drozdov, who had been paralyzed from the neck down in a wrestling match the previous year.

[joons-expensive-gurl]

Lost Stars - Part 13

People were buzzing. Absolutely energetic as they all rushed around, spreading the news that the one and only Jeon Jungkook was walking hand in hand with a girl. Some of the people were looking at their friends with venom. For they had not so long ago been on his bed, calling out his name. And he had already replaced them.

Many more people crowded the gates, watching as you and Jungkook stroll up to school, hands intertwined, a cocky grin on one face, a shy smile on the other. There was so much noise. Even Jimin had come out to watch. He smiled, before frowning. Tae. He hadn’t showed up again.

Once most people had got a glimpse of the new gossip, they’d all scattered off, finally leaving you and Jungkook alone.

The way it had happened was so cliche.

You’d walked into the house, sobbing and your mother asked what was wrong. You simply told her you had argued with Tae and Jungkook looked up. He knew the truth.

Even though you and Jungkook could finally begin being more together, you were not in any mood to be doing that. You simply had sulked off into your room, before lying down on your bed, facing the wall and cried.

You hadn’t noticed the door open. Or close. Or even the person moving through your room until the bed behind you dipped and a strong arm wrapped around your waist.

“I can make your pain go away.” He’d simply whispered into your ear, placing a soft kiss on your cartilage before just holding you.

That’s when you’d finally been able to be in his arms.

~^*^~

There was a clinking and the noise died down. Jungkook’s uncle stood up, making his speech, followed by your mothers sister. The entire time, you were sat next to Jungkook, who’s hand was sneakily on your lower back. He was dressed in a smart pair of black jeans, converse and a white and grey plaid shirt. That was his idea of smart. You were in a lace black skirt, white long sleeved shirt with a thick black choker. In a way, you really did look like a couple. Matching colours, and all.

This wasn’t the wedding, no it was another ridiculous pre-wedding tradition of a practice run through of the venue. Honestly, you had no idea what it was for, but if it made your mother happy, you’d simply have to comply.

“Come with me.” Jungkook whispered once the conversations began again.

Both of you stood up, excusing yourselves. He took your hand once you were out of sight and lead you into a secluded corner.

“As usual, you look amazing.” He breathed. “As do you.” Your eyes trailed down his body. “I’ve been waiting to do this all night.”

Pinning you between the wall and his arms, he moved forwards. You were trapped; happily so. His lips hovered over yours before fully connecting in a sweet kiss. Whenever this happened, you couldn’t help but feel the world slowly slip away into nothing. In the moments where your eyes were shut, cares gone, lips connected to Jungkook’s, you were all his. It was just you and him.

A loud ringing brought you crashing down from the bliss and Jungkook pulled away quietly cursing.

“Ignore it.” You whispered, trying to pull his face back to yours but he turned away as his eyes looked at the screen. He scowled. Such bad timing. “What the fuck do you want? …No I’m busy… Venue run through… no I can’t leave… no… I thought I told you to stop calling me? … fuck, you make everything so difficult… fine. Fucking fine. Give me half an hour… don’t expect anything.”

He hung up, angrily shoving his phone back into his pocket. He turned to you, smirking as if nothing happened and moved forwards, pushing you back up against the wall and crashing his lips to yours. You could feel the anger in the kiss, although it wasn’t for you, it was still there. He moved his lips down to your jawline, then neck.

“No.” you quickly squeaked, “not here. Not now. They’ll know.” “Right…” he moved backwards. “Kookie who was on the phone?” “No one.” “Okay…” “Can you do me a favour?” He bit his lip nervously. “Sure…?” “Tell my dad I was feeling sick and I went home early. Don’t answer any more of his questions.” “…Alright…?” “Thanks babe~” He turned on his heel, leaving you alone.

‘babe’

Your heart raced. He’d used something so exclusive to call you… were you really his?

Just as he had instructed, you went back into the hall, telling his father he was sick and left it at that. The rest of the night was a bore. You really didn’t even see the point. The venue for the wedding was outside of this room, on the grass with a gazebo and a pond. Why on earth they were practicing inside was beyond you…

~^*^~

“This better be good, Holly.” Jungkook hissed, tapping his foot impatiently on her wooden flooring. “I’m sorry, I just couldn’t stop thinking about you.” “Really?” “Were you with her?” “As a matter of fact I was. You ruined my chances of getting laid tonight.” “With her…” “Excuse me?” “Jungkook, I called you over for one last fling.” Her bluntness took him back. She definitely wasn’t the innocent little bunny her brother seemed to think she was. “You know I’m taken.” “I’ll tell Yoongi you fucked me and left me for another girl. He’s already pissed that your friend did that once. I’m fairly sure he’ll murder you.” “I can’t do it to her, Holly.” “You can.”

He stood still, unable to move as she rose from the bed she’d been sitting on and glided over to him. He couldn’t reach out and stop as she placed her lips on to his.

He ended up giving her that one last fling, only thinking of how much he was going to hurt you.

~^*^~

The house was dark. The lights were off. He didn’t even know what the time was. Moving to the kitchen, he saw a note written in Hangul. Oh crap.

'I can’t believe you, Jungkook. We’ll talk in the morning. I’m disappointed. Answer your calls in future.’

Crap.

Checking his phone, he saw over thirty missed calls from your mother and his father. This was already so bad. He’d just gotten you, and he’d already cheated.

Fuck.

He moved to the sofa, remembering how you’d fallen asleep there together once. A sad smile spread across his face. Then it faded and he walked up the stairs quietly. He couldn’t risk waking you up. Nor could he resist opening your door and popping his head in. Your hair was sprawled over the pillow, entire body buried under your duvet. He could see your eyes shut so calmly. His heart hurt.

“I’m so fucking sorry, [First]. I’m so stupid.” He whispered. The door shut and he wandered off to bed, unable to sleep.

~^*^~

You were sat peacefully with Jimin eating lunch when someone grabbed your wrist, tugging you up and dragging you away. Once you saw it was Jungkook, you calmed down. He obviously just wanted some “private time”. Boy were you wrong.

“I need to tell you something.”

He stopped, not letting go of your wrist. He was an arms length in front of you. He didn’t face you.

“Kookie? What’s wrong?” You cocked your head. “Please don’t get angry…” “Jungkook.” “The person on the phone last night was Min Holly. When you disappeared for three weeks, I used her to… distract me. As soon as I knew I had you, I broke it off with her. I don’t want anything else to do with her.” “Jungkook, what-” “I slept with her last night.” “W-what…?” “I’m so sorry.” “We’ve been together a day… and you already fucked someone else…?” “Look, I kept saying no to her. I only went to tell her to leave me alone. I swear. She just kissed me. I couldn’t stop it.” “You know, Jungkook. Sex takes more than a fucking second. You had more than enough time to stop it.” “Please…” “One fucking day.”

You ripped your hand from his grip, turning on your heel and storming back to the canteen to find Jimin. However once you opened the door, you were faced with Min Holly smiling at you with an obviously fake smile.

“You know, you’re so much worse than anyone could think. You act so innocent, hiding behind your brother, but you really are nothing but a bitch.” You snapped. “Are the girl Jungkook ditched me for?” “I don’t know, are you the girl who had him cheat on that girl.” “It was one last fling.” “Keep him. And this.”

You brought your hand up, bringing it down against her pale skin. There was a loud slap that rebounded the canteen and shut everyone up. Holly stood there, shocked. You marched past her, grabbing your bag from Jimin before hurrying off to some secluded place.

20 minutes later, you were sat in some abandoned corner of the school, wrapped up in Jimin’s arms as you sobbed. Jimin truly thought Jungkook was the right choice. Obviously not. Little did either of you know, it was about to escalate all over again. Your life was really becoming a drama.

There were footsteps against the halls, but you didn’t look up. Jimin’s “go away” was enough to tell you exactly who it was. Although you tried to stay strong, you couldn’t help but sob again into Jimin’s chest. The way he gripped into you showed you just how angry he was.

“Let me talk to her. Yoongi is looking for her. God knows what he’ll do to her.” His voice was soft, broken. “Jungkook, fuck off, now. I’ll handle Yoongi if he comes up.” “No. No you won’t. [First], look at me.” “Leave her the fuck alone. You cheated after one day, Jungkook. What does that say about you?!” Jimin’s grip tightened. “That I’m a shitty person. I knew it the second I entered her house. I should’ve stayed at the fucking venue.” “You’re damn right. Now leave before I make you.” “You know I can’t do that. I need to talk to [First].” “Fuck this.” Jimin let go of you, pushing himself up and stepping forwards. “J-Jimin don’t…” you uttered, curling into the wall. “I’m so fucking sick of your shit, Jungkook. Just wait until Tae hears about this. After I’ve beat you, Tae will. And then Yoongi will for fucking with Holly.” “And I deserve all of it. So get a move on.” Jungkook’s voice was small. “With pleasure.” “P-please don’t…” you chocked. “I’m so sorry, [First],” Jimin’s voice, despite the words, held no regret, “close your ears.”

The first punch was like a bomb. Since the entire area was almost silent, the echoes of Jimin’s fist against Jungkook’s face was loud. The next blows al merged into one another as Jimin beat Jungkook as best he could, taking out all of his anger. He was clouded in rage, watching as his fists bruised Jungkook'a face, that he didn’t notice a certain blonde pace through. Jimin only noticed once you squeaked in fear and turned.

Yoongi stood towering over you, fists clutching your shirt neck, pulling you into him. His eyes were filled with unmistakable rage. Even though his face was truly beautiful, it held such a menacing stare that you only cried harder, terrified.

“You’re lucky I don’t hit girls.” He growled. “Yoongi put her down!” Jimin rushed forwards but once one of Yoongi’s arms flew out in warning, he halted. “But I’m warning you, stay away from my sister. Any trouble with her again and I’ll change my mind about hitting girls. Understand?” You nodded meekly.

Jimin and Jungkook watched as Yoongi harshly pushed you backwards, your back hitting the wall before you slid down it. Your heart was racing. Panic coursed your veins. You watched as Yoongi turned to Jungkook.

“You’re lucky, as well. Jimin seems to have done what I wanted to do. Watch the fuck out though.”

With that he left.

Jungkook watched, silent, feeling he deserved to watch you in pain. Even though you didn’t deserve it, he deserved to see what he caused.

Jimin slowly made his way, helping you haul your body onto your back, slinging your arms around his neck, tightening your legs around his waist as he left. Jungkook was left alone.

~^*^~

Jungkook let out another groan as Tae punched him again and again. He didn’t resist. He didn’t even think about it.

The alley stunk.

Tae hit all the spots Jimin had hit earlier, intensifying the pain that already radiated through Jungkook’s body. Jungkook let Tae take out all the anger.

Jihyun, after finding out the news, immediately contacted Tae to tell him. Unbeknownst to everyone else, Jihyun swore to Tae that if Jungkook hurt you, he’d tell him. And now Jungkook was paying his price.

“I think I’ve had enough.” Tae spat, “you don’t deserve her.” “I.. know… h-have her…” Jungkook managed to form. “There’s just one problem, I don’t have her heart anymore.”

With a final kick, Tae left Jungkook slumped in the alley he’d dragged him into, not caring what happened to him.

Jungkook could only count himself lucky that your mother, on her walk of her lunch break, found him.